Behaviors……The New Normal.

Since I last wrote anything, there have been so many little things that I can barely begin to think of even one thing. I will say that things had ramped up while at our house. The drive home was mostly in silence, the spitting thing is much worse from the moment he laid eyes on me (my cousin tells me that he does so much better around her and in Duluth). The days go on and the boredom creates a lot of opportunity to do nothing and spit on everything. I keep the hose handy for washing off the deck. Dont get me wrong, there are plenty of things to do, he just has no interest in doing those things. We bought deck seal, and he did help a lot with that project, and did a good job too. He found that the moped is quiet enough that he can take it up and down the driveway and I cant hear it. The latest and greatest thing is “telling on” our 15 year old, Adam. He loves telling exaggerated stories…lucky for Adam, I usually witness at least a portion of the real story, thus knowing the truth.

It has been 90+ degrees out for a week and my dad has sweated through three or four shirts a day. I can not get him to shower. Thankfully, he goes for a swim after rollerblading, as it is the closest thing to clean he gets.

The company in Duluth that does companion care has finally found two people to work with my dad. He has been at his house (not really, he has been going to my cousins) for several days and I never know whats going on up there, only what he tells me…which isn’t much. They can have someone there today, but I have no idea what it will be received like by dad. I will have them get there this afternoon, and maybe it will work out..that would be nice. At this point, I can barely keep up with anything and I could relax knowing that someone will be there. I can only bribe my cousin with money for so long. I asked dads primary doc for an order for home health care, to which I got a lot of phone calls from the nurse and no order yet. It will help to pay for this, but I suppose they want to see him again before he will write the order. I am just so exhausted from all of this that I dont know if I am willing to continue with all the doctors. Dad hates it, and makes it as hard as possible. His insistence that he is fine is getting the better of me and like I have said before, it is easy to pretend that he will be fine as long as he is away from me. Horrible, right?

Bob, the companion caregiver, met Dad on Monday. I asked that my cousins husband be there for the meeting and give me feedback. It went pretty well. Sounds like they did a pretty good job matching him with someone. He is 65 years old, was in the Navy like Dad, and Dad didn’t seem to mind him at all. Dads complaint (because there is always a complaint) is that Bob puts his windows up and turns the air on in the car when it is ninety degrees out. I told Dad that sometimes we have to tolerate people….funny.  Bob will be at Dads today at 1 pm. I received three calls from pops yesterday telling me that he wants to come back here no later than Friday. When I probed a little to find out why, I figured out that he is worried I may drive to North Dakota without him. I have a camper for sale and my buyer is in North Dakota. Holy Hanna, just what will kill me…a road trip for 14 hours with Dad. I can only imagine what that will be like. My  14 hour round trip will be a 36 hour nightmare with stops at gas stations and rest stops every hour or so…stops that average ten to twenty minutes each.  My son says he wants me to take grandpa with so he can hear the stories when I return.

I am getting some feedback that Dad isn’t able to be so good at my cousins anymore now. He is having those spitting fits in front of them now also.  He sort of blows spit all down his face like a baby does, its very bizarre, its kind of a new behavior, and its messy. He did something similar with a family friend last week on the ride home. Our friend, Jeff, lives on a farm and thought Dad could help load some steel onto a trailer at the farm. Dad was more interested in pulling corn out of the field to transplant here in the garden.  He wouldn’t quit asking Jeff about when he could get some corn, to which Jeff told him they would do it after they loaded this steel. Not good enough. Why not now? Dad asked a bunch of times. Finally, Dad was tired of waiting and just went out and pulled out a bunch of sweet corn, and some of Maryanne’s vegetables to boot. I guess Jeff got pretty upset with him and had to explain why that will kill the other corn…in the end Dad put his corn in a bucket and climbed into the back of the Razor. A Razor is a ATV type vehicle with a back seat and roll bars for driving on the road. On the way home, after dad had talked Jeff out of a beer, dad decided it was a good idea to pour his beer (which he had snuck into the car) into his hand and throw it into the air! It sprayed all over the front seats and windshield, and all over Jeffs head. Dad just said “sorry, I spilled some beer”…Adam was with this whole time and started watching him in the mirror. He said that grandpa did it again! after that, he poured it in his hand and smeared it all over the roll bars, the backs of the seats, and all over back there. What the hell is that?  Adam was amazed. Jeffy just shrugged his shoulders and told Adam it was ok, that grandpa didn’t know.  I am pretty sure Dad is done going to the farm. It was a nice three hour break for me however.

So, I will be picking him up on Friday. So he can get here and worry about what he is missing in Duluth, and want to go back by Monday or Tuesday. I know his disease is progressing faster these days, and I should get him into the Doc. He hates his Doctor, and is not nice to him. I hate taking him anymore, it is just so much more work than its worth at this point. There is nothing they can do for him (or me), I feel like I have to reeducate them on his disease every time I take him, and Dad just lies about whats going on (or he just does not know, I am still not sure). I will make an appointment for him today and try again though. I get anxious just thinking about going to the VA.